Thursday, October 4, 2012

Caught


Who are you and why are
you texting my boyfriend?

 
This isn’t good. What was the last thing I told you yesterday?
DFTDT. Don’t Forget To Delete This.

 
Who are you and why are
you texting my boyfriend?

 
How did you get his phone? God, he’s an idiot.

 
WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE
YOU TEXTING MY BOYFRIEND?

 
Sorry, who are you?

 
I’m the girlfriend of the man you
texted 20,000 times yesterday

 
Yeah, that was fun.

 
WHO ARE YOU?

 
I’m not understanding this.
You’re on someone else’s
phone?

 
I’m on my boyfriend’s phone
that has all the texts from your
number yesterday bitch. You
know what phone I’m on

 
I should convince her I’m a guy.
Let Himself deal with that.

 
Alright, no need for the
language. You mean your
boyfriend’s a volunteer?

 
A volunteer? For what?

 
For the group. SFS

 
What group? What does that
mean? And why is this all written
in initials? There’s hardly any
words here

 
It’s written that way so you can’t read it,
thank god, which he didn’t want to
bother with but I’m sure he’ll
remember to thank me.

 
SFS is our group, Sexting For
Seniors. I guess your friend is
a volunteer, bless his heart

 
WTF?
 
Oh, you do know an acronym.

 
Our group is called Sexting
For Seniors

 
I can reverse phone book this
number you know


Yes but it won’t matter. The
SMSMS takes care of that

 
The what?


 
The text Masking System.
My grandson invented it. It masks
my number with an actual North
American phone number, which
you can text back to but if you call,
which we kn

ow not to do, you’ll
get the actual people at that
number who if you look up and
threaten in any way you’ll
probably get arrested

 
You’re so full of shit

 
And yet you sit there reading it.

 
Maybe we can talk later,
dear, when you feel better

 
No, we’re talking now. So you’re
a senior citizen with a sex group

 
Sext. Yes. I started the group
here locally, in Reykjavik, right
here in the Home, actually

 
You started a sex group in a
nursing home. In Iceland


Wow, I didn’t think you’d get Iceland.

 
Sext. Yes. Studies have shown
that seniors’ mental and physical
health benefit greatly from talking
dirty

 
And my boyfriend volunteered
for this

 
Apparently so. I do recognize
the number

 
I bet you do. What do these letters
mean?

 
Well, it’s hard to say out of
context

 
What does BHTBB mean?

 
Bare Hand To Bare Butt. Think, think.

 
Again, out of context but I
would say By His Truth Be Borne

 
That sounds religious

 
Not specifically, but the older
you get the more comforting
that stuff is

What’s MTIEHYH?

 
Damn. My Tongue In Every Hole You Have...

 
Are you there?

 
Yes dear, they’re just handing
out the meds. Don’t want to miss
that

 
WHAT’S MTIEHYH?

 
That would be May This In
Eternity Hold You High

 
Again with the religious
stuff? What’s sexy about that?

 
Personally I find the concept of an
eternally erect dick intriguing.

 
You’re putting the religious
connotation. I’d call it a more poetic
way of speaking from a different
generation

 
Which generation? Just how the
hell old are you supposed to be?

 
I’m seventy-five

 
Oh right. My boyfriend would never
sext a woman that old. That’s
disgusting. How can you do that?
I would never be with
a man that much younger.

 
What makes you think you could attract one?

 
As they say, different strokes

 
So how many other volunteers
are in this group?

 
Well, we’re not international
yet but there’s a good three or
four come in pretty steadily

 
Three or four? For how many other
horny old broads?

 
Oh, that’s just me right now. But
my roommate Gracie is joining, she
promised. And GK she owes me, the
hours I’ve put in on WWF with that
woman, she can’t

spell her own name

 
So you handle three or four guys
by yourself with your poetic
initials, which my boyfriend
understands. All day long

 
Sometimes

 
I’m coming for you. I’m gonna find
you bitch. I know this area code. I
Know you’re not 75 but it doesn’t
matter how old you are. I’m coming
for you. I’m gonna stomp your ass and
break your fingers.

 
Alright look lady, I’m a 12 year
old boy and it’s a felony to threaten
a minor over any type of social
media. So this counts. I’m telling my
Mom. I’m showing her right now

 
I’m coming for you

 
Hey, it’s me

 
Hey

 
Can you take my dog? I have to
be out of town for a while

 
Sure, how long?

 
Like, maybe a year?


28 comments:

  1. Emen,

    Very, very funny and clever.

    Thank you,

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  2. The layout is amazing and the post is hilarious. And at what point do you come for the man (not the other woman)?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There was that lady who ran over her husband then circled around and ran over him again, but that may be because he walked out of the hotel first.

      Thanks :)

      Delete
  3. Oh, wow, did this actually happen? I'm not sure why one would come for the less easily attainable half of a transgressing couple... I suppose anonymity (on both sides) makes it so much easier to be hurtful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, it didn't happen :)

      Not sure why the women seem to go for the other woman. The wronged men seem to shoot their wives and their lovers.

      Delete
  4. I love it! Very cheeky!

    TTFN
    Mr. No Name

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, BTW your pics are very intriguing, I would love to see more of you. The tattoos caught my ..... Ummmm....attention ;)

      TTFN
      Mr. No Name

      Delete
    2.  Peut-être un jour vous donner une fessée à mes joues ou les embrasser.

      I have very little ink compared to present standards. But I had tattoos when women didn't have tattoos. I had to fight to get them. So I treasure. Merci.

      Delete
  5. Very funny, Emen! Hmm, I guess I would go after both, the other woman and the man. Does that mean I am more like a guy? ;-)

    On a serious note: I am glad to know that Ludwig would never betray me. For me, trust is very essential for our love relationship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That means you're proactive :)

      I'm glad you have your Ludwig and your trust. It's very comforting to know of relationships like yours.

      Delete
  6. ....and hilarity ensues!

    Love the humor, love the edge...

    xo,
    SC

    ReplyDelete
  7. Il faut être deux pour danser le tango! :o)

    Love this. Only wish it did happen. The citing the rule of a minor was pure brilliant...um...lovely tip? :P

    I needed laughter today and found it here.
    Merci.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. De rien. I thought the "minor" bit was inspired, given the rampant ageism :)

      Delete
  8. This made me laugh. Thank you very much for it! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Omg, this is too funny! And how am I just finding out you have a blog??

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks. Idk, I was on SBN for the first post but didn't really think of announcing any other way :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Emen, you are SO naughty! Good grief, I think you should be spanked for writing this. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. Somehow I don't think spanking is what she has in mind when she says "I'm coming for you".

      Delete
  12. 173 Live 視訊-免費聊天室
    Live 173免費視訊-聊天交友
    Live173視訊影音Live秀
    金瓶梅視訊聊天室
    0401影音視訊聊天室
    UT美女視訊聊天室
    momo520影音視訊美女主播聊天室
    視訊聊天,影音視訊聊天室,視訊交友
    UT台灣辣妹視訊聊天室
    173激情視訊聊天室
    sm聊天室28號公館視頻聊天室同城交友激情美女裸聊日本R級劇情片快播免費一對一視訊聊天
    q秀聊天室藍天天下聊視頻聊天室同城寂寞寡婦交友網成人激情裸體圖片一對一視訊美女
    聊性的聊天室隨聊隨想視頻聊天室美女性視頻秀場亞州成人裸體圖片人體藝術正妹視訊
    多人視頻聊天官網隨聊隨想聊天室美女性愛秀場人體藝術亞洲黃色性圖片免費一對多視訊
    8090碰情色視頻在線直播隨聊視頻聊天室戀夜秀場美女直播視頻免費一對多視訊聊天

    ReplyDelete
  13. 成人免費視訊聊天室-色yy視頻直播間頻道
    金瓶梅視訊聊天室-日本免費色情直播網站
    玩美女人影音秀-台灣一對一視頻聊天室
    捷克論壇-夫妻真人秀視頻聊天室
    伊莉論壇首頁-免費裸體女主播聊天室
    mobile01論壇-開放性多人聊天室
    台灣論壇-台灣甜心真人裸聊
    伊莉論壇-同城美女視頻聊天室
    微風論壇-寂寞交友富婆聊天室
    伊莉影片-美女主播聊天室
    同城約炮聊天室網聊寂寞直播間午夜陪聊視頻私色房綜合圖片富婆包養網情人視訊影音網
    情人網聊天室網聊寂寞視頻夜店視頻秀聊天室咪咪色情小說黃色操逼小說情人視訊送100點
    冒泡視頻交友聊天中國城多人視頻聊天午夜直播真人秀毛毛片成人視頻深情款款視訊交友網
    寂寞午夜交友聊天室專業陪聊網咪秀匯聊天室AV成人倫理動畫日本毛片影音視訊聊天情人網
    163聊天室網站成人寂寞一夜情網看我秀聊天室私人伴遊網情人網67三級小說戀愛ing視訊50點

    ReplyDelete
  14. model104視訊聊天室
    破解視訊聊天室
    app手機視訊聊天室
    性愛視訊聊天室
    情人視訊聊天室
    韓國夏娃視訊聊天室
    美女視訊聊天室
    台灣色B視訊聊天室
    uu視訊聊天室
    qq愛視訊聊天室
    午夜聊天室網址yy裸聊直播間真人裸聊秀場成人色情電影在線觀看快播成人AV嘟嘟成人往
    色女孩美女qq陪聊同城QQ祼聊色qq群午夜倫理電影在線觀看兩性健康網線上免費成人影片
    同城寂寞聊天室同城一夜免費交友網非常色午夜影院熟女午夜倫理電影痴漢成人網
    一對多裸聊直播間秀色裸聊直播間色午夜影院你懂的日本午夜倫理劇場免費成人卡通
    美女秀場裸聊直播間秀色裸聊免費直播間台灣后宮視訊聊天室韓國色情電影推薦成人文章

    ReplyDelete
  15. 免費可以看裸聊直播app
    真愛旅舍視頻聊天室
    免費同城裸聊平台
    福利聊天室你懂的
    福利啪啪視頻吧
    免費真人秀視頻聊天室
    9158多人視頻聊天室
    美女主播福利視頻
    免費語音視頻聊天室
    午夜寂寞聊天室
    美女QQ聊天視頻午夜聊天交友社區夜間寂寞裸聊聊天室短裙長腿美女模特台灣甜心視訊聊天網
    美女視頻表演的QQ同城一夜交友網站免費寂寞交友聊天室性感齊b短裙美女圖uthome視訊聊天網
    性感比基尼美女視頻富婆找男人俱樂部寂寞同城聊天室性感長腿美女寫真圖片ut免費視訊聊天網
    美女視頻直播同城交友找情人約炮網寂寞男女聊天室美女寂寞聊天電話號碼 uthome視訊
    美女跳舞視頻網站真人視頻聊天同城交友同城一夜i情交友室午夜美女聊天qquthome免費視訊美女

    ReplyDelete
  16. 允許賣肉的直播平台
    同城裸聊直播視頻
    啪啪午夜直播app
    午夜交友聊天室
    真愛旅舍社區
    金瓶梅倫理社區
    真愛旅舍直播社區
    影音視訊聊天室
    live173影音live秀-免費視訊
    173免費視訊聊天
    視頻交友社區超碰免費在線成人視頻同城一夜免費交友網免費午夜真人聊天室影音視訊聊聊天室
    免費真人秀多人視頻日本免費黃色視頻性感美女自我安慰視頻愛愛聊天室直播間影音視訊聊天
    男人和美女親熱視頻免費的黃色網站美女視頻直播秀午夜戀場免費聊天室影音視訊聊天網
    性感美女QQ真人秀視頻免費的色情網站美女熱舞視頻直播間午夜免費愛愛聊天室ut影音視訊
    美女真人秀視頻唱歌caoporn超碰在線視頻美女跳舞視頻直播色聊天聊天室影音視訊戀愛ing

    ReplyDelete